'My dad died in my arms on my wedding day - eight years later, I’m using that pain to help others'

Eight years after his father collapsed and died in his arms on what should have been the happiest day of his life, a Leeds man says he still struggles to attend weddings.

Noshad Qayyum, 49, watched his dad, Abdul Qayyum, 64, die in his arms minutes after giving the opening the speech in 2018.

But now he has turned his grief into a mission to help other people.

The sudden shock of his dad's death led to the breakdown of his marriage, and he got divorced within a year.

The education and media mentor retreated into his shell and was soon diagnosed with PTSD.

Eventually, Noshad decided to seek help and began writing journaling his thoughts and experiences.

He has now written a book which he hopes can help other people tackle their own struggles and pain.

He said: "I don't avoid the funerals anymore but the wedding invites I do at times.

"It brings back overwhelming feelings and I begin to cry, but I celebrate his death now as he died doing what he did best a public speaker on the stage.

"It was hectic at the wedding. There was 500 people there - it was chaos.

"They had to get life-sized covers and create a space for the paramedics.

"They were pumping his chest for 40 minutes and I sat back and that's when my trauma began.

"The family decided I should still get married as there were people there.

"As I was getting married, they were still taking my dad's body away.

"I then rushed to the hospital, and I just couldn't accept it - it was a nightmare."

Noshad felt he wasn't able to properly grieve his father's death until he had divorced his wife.

He told Sell Us Your Story: "I was diagnosed with PTSD and I had tried to end my life.

"From someone who was very outgoing, I became an introvert and went through a lot.

"It was anxiety, brain fog, blackouts, paranoia, constant fear.

"I wasn't feeling it all after I took the anti-depressants.

"It's like I was in a different dimension.

"There were times when I shut down and there were times when I was open.

"It felt like Groundhog Day every day.

"I kept thinking my dad was going to come back and then he'd been in my dreams a lot.

"When we buried him, that week I took a shovel and I wanted to dig him up and hug him again.

"That was torment."

Eventually, a conversation with his grandad inspired him to try and seek help.

He said: "He told me I wasn't alone and he was also grieving for three sons as my dad's brothers died in the months after and that's when the penny dropped for me.

"I don't feel like men do enough soul searching and then it spills over to the family.

"The book was a positive change as I could express myself."

Alongside the book, Noshad runs mental health workshops.

He said: "I want to raise awareness - I've raised over £100,000 for the cause.

"So now I go into workshops and try and help people understand what mental health actually is.

"I decided to reconnect with the world, and I retrained and I'm in a much better position now.”