Leeds mother releases book inspired by autistic son to empower families and transform SEND system

A Leeds-based mother has written a book inspired by her experience navigating the special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) system while raising her autistic son.

SENT: The Emails I Sent, the Silence That Followed by Nicola Hughes, focuses on the difficulties parents face while advocating for their autistic children, particularly within the mainstream education system.

The release comes after an OFSTED and CQC inspection uncovered “widespread and/or systemic failings” within Leeds City Council’s SEND services for children and young people earlier this year.

Part memoir, part guide and part survival companion, the book combines Nicola’s personal story with accessible insight into the SEND system and support for parents navigating similar experiences, while the emails she sent, nearly sent and left unsent form a recurring thread throughout.

Nicola’s son, who is anonymised throughout SENT, was diagnosed with autism in Year Five of primary school and this label enabled him to be better understood by himself and the wider world.

“We became a completely different household and we saw a completely different child emerge,” Nicola told the Yorkshire Evening Post.

“Children need to know what they are. They need to understand their brains.”

While Nicola and her family embraced her son’s diagnosis and saw it as a positive thing, she encountered numerous frustrations while trying to advocate for her child.

One particular issue she repeatedly found was “the email dilemma”, referring to her repeated attempts to reach out for SEND support only to be met with limited replies, which she previously shared online.

She also highlighted the difficulty in finding support for her academically able son within mainstream education due to perceived limited flexibility and understanding.

SENT is a project that has been two years in the making as Nicola began writing down her experiences.

Nicola said: “I started to feel like I need to write this down and write a story.

“It couldn’t just be a rant in a journal, it had to be part of something.”

When her son was first diagnosed, Nicola found support and resources from other SEND parents, and she hopes that the book similarly helps other parents find validation and understanding.

To the wider world meanwhile, she wants SENT to show the “hundreds of hoops” SEND parents have to jump through to support their child.

Crucially, Nicola wants to shine a light on ‘parent carer trauma’, a term for the emotional and physical toll parents caring for children with complex additional needs and disabilities experience.

She said: “Parent carer trauma often isn't a one-off event. It can be more complex because it goes on for a period of time. It doesn’t have a stop.

“It’s like papercuts. I’ve had some big wounds but generally it’s lots of little papercuts that build up over time and get into the psyche.”

Nicola is clear that this book is not intended to shame individual teachers, schools or professionals, and that is why everyone featured in the book is anonymised.

Instead, it is using experience to push for better staff training, administrative practices, and access to SEND-related services.

Nicola said: “No one wants to read an angry book. I want something that's hopeful, and there isn't one person to blame here.”

SENT: The Emails I Sent, the Silence That Followed is out and available to buy now.